Archive for January, 2010

Bisexuality, homosexuality, pansexuality and general queerness

January 20, 2010

Hi, I’m Melusin , and when it’s the word people are most likely to understand I identify as bisexual. At other times I identify as “queer” or “pansexual”. Long story short I’ve realised now that I am attracted to more than one gender.¬†But when I first came out, to myself and my family and my friends, in my teens, I identified as gay.

And I was glad, and am still glad, of the community I found from this, even when it was just me and a few similarly-sapphic friends at a girls school. When it was a few people recommending interesting books, and an older friend giving me a volume of Adrienne Rich when I came out to zim, or a volunteer at a youth theatre project telling me I was allowed write gay characters, and now, when I know many more LGBTQ people in real life and on the internet.. I valued being accepted by friends and family for what I was, and one of those friends was the man who’s now my primary partner, before I realised I was attracted to him or he realised I was attracted to me. I gained confidence from coming out, confidence from having an identity and confidence.

Without coming out as gay I wouldn’t have been comfortable with my sexuality at all. I don’t know that I’d have been comfortable coming out as genderqueer, or trans, or indeed been comfortable with myself enough to sustain a fulfilling relationship. I still think of myself as gay, sometimes, as I’m male identified and my primary relationship is with a man.

This post came from secretlysappho’s comment at Shakesville, on a post about a loathsome ¬†article entitled “The day I decided not to be gay” from the Times. secretlysappho commented:

“I’d like to see a few more examples of bi- or straight-identifying people who once identified as gay NOT getting on a soapbox to talk about how pathetic we are.”

So count me among them. I was glad to be gay, and am glad to have been gay, and glad I’m queer, and would probaly not be happily queer-identified if I hadn’t identified as gay in the first place.

I get on the bi/pan/queer soapbox too much when I talk about this, as I do believe that gender or sex isn’t a key element of attraction FOR ME, but it is for some people. And it was realising I could be attracted to people of my biological sex was what started me along the path to believing this.

This is a little read blog which is hardly going to cause a major revolution in perceptions of homosexuality, or bisexuality for that matter, but I thought it was worth saying.